My times, and Tribulations...

Bit of a horrible wake up call for our entire nation today. I came home from class today to find the Virgina Tech Shooting on the news, and asked myself just how safe are we on campus if that happened here in Auburn. What would I do if something similiar happened in the Lowder Building that I have come to spend most of my time in since starting here at Auburn? What would I do if suddenly classmates I have hung out with and cracked jokes with in class, or so much worse a possibility if something had happened to a brother from my fraternity who I have made so many great memories with the since coming to Auburn. 
The sad truth is I do not know what I would do. I would like to think I would do something to help but I just don't know.

My heart and prayers go out to everyone involved in this horrific event.

Well its been awhile hasn't it. Sorry to have been gone so long but I needed the break to concentrate on school and my duties to AKPsi. I have been really busy for the most part since my last post with the pledges and class projects but things are going fairly well overall I'd say. 

We have our AKPsi formal tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous about for no apparent reason. It should be alot of fun to just hang out with the brothers and pledges and kinda give a bit of a send off for all of the graduating seniors. I truly wish I was graduating this semester but I'll have my time soon. Then I can pass on all the work and respinsibilities of AKPsi on to the pledges I have helped induct.

School has been a bit stressfull but nothing I can't handle. Overall its been a fun semester that I have had alot of great memories from. Many from Success Institute, St. Patricks Day, Cancuns Wednesday Margaritas, Poker Nights, and days out on "The Auburn Beach" Just soaking up the fresh air after classes to relax. I've grown closer to my brothers and drifted away from some others who I feel do not really see eye to eye with me on many things. That is all apart of life and I am enjoying every moment to its fullest. 

I am going to try and begin updating once a week again and catch up as best I can on mt FL.

P.S. I finished the story board and character mapping of the story I have been working on! So yay!

I'm taking a break from LJ, AIM, facebook, and any other sites or programs of the sort. I'll be around the house or at school and if you need you can always call me on my cell phone. Anyway, I will see you all when I see you.

This week has been semi eventful. 

I'll start with school updates. Thus far my professor has still deemed it not a appropriate amount of time for me to have finished my project enough for him to look over. So my 65 page portfolio remains sitting in my desk drawer gathering dust till either he decides to look it over or the due date arrives. I've had the Accounting Department Head look over it and give me ideas and corrections so I'm not as worried as I was before. 
My fraternity has gotten into the full swing this semester and I have been having fun hanging out with my brothers while doing pledge team related work. It has also cut into time I had been planning to spend with other clubs and friends but there is nothing to be done about it. I have a responsibility now and its not like I don't enjoy what I'm doing with the fraternity. 
The only really bad thing that came up so far was when one of the girls trying to get into our fraternity this semester (Yes my fraternity is coed) broke down to tears after a rather mean spirited remark made by one of the brothers during a preliminary interview. She promptly bolted from the room crying and I just as promptly followed after I glared disapprovingly at the brother in question. Even though I know he didn't mean any harm by what, and he said it just came across wrong. So after catching her sitting on the bench around the corner from the interview room I sat down soothed her hurt feelings. It turned out that the stress about the interview contributed to her reaction a great deal, and that the remark made was just the straw that broke the camels back. 
So after cracking a few jokes and telling her about the stupid mistakes I had made in my own interviewing experiences she was a lot better. I escorted her back to the room and completed her interview myself in a one on one situation to ease her nerves. She did very well after returning to the interview and that is all I am allowed to say about that.

In other news this week. I received a letter from a couple of buddies in England asking when I was going to come over and visit. It brought a smile to my face after reading the letter and hearing how well they were all doing. Email is wonderful but nothing compares for me at least as receiving a real physical letter. I also played poker this week with some random guys who invited me to play on a whim I'm guessing. I didn't really know the guys but I had ridden the transit with them and talked sports with them a bit while riding. I ended up cleaning the table and took home sixty dollars with minimal effort. I felt a little bad about taking there money but they were all good natured about it and invited me to play again next time they played. Which should be this next week. 

Overall its been a pretty busy but fun week. I'm looking forward to the Super Bowl Party Sunday. 
Till later everyone.

 By all logical thought processes I should have embarrassed myself thoroughly...
 - Almost Two years with no competition practice.
 - Facing scholarship athletes.
 - Shoulder Surgery.

By some miracle however I did very well. I placed 4th individually Air rifle with 386/400 and  3rd individually small-bore 1156/1200. None of my scores mattered as I was not counted on any team, but it was fun all the same. My shoulder is a bit sore however but nothing of large significance. I'll post some pictures if any one is interested otherwise I'll just keep them to myself.

I'm back from the match. Very tired. I'll post specifics later.

So this past week was a bit busy, but overall turned out ok. 
After a nice three day weekend thanks to MLK Day classes started on a foul note when my professor refused to even look at the Portfolio I had been slaving away on since start of term. He did not cite any reason for his refusal till today after repeated emails from me. His reason was cited as quoted from his email, "Due to my belief that you have not spent adequate time on your project, and have thus rushed through I see no reason for me to look over your portfolio in any sense. My time would be better spent on other class matters, and should you wish me to look over the project at all I suggest you spend a little more time working on it. At this point I believe it would be a waste of both your and my time to discuss this matter any further till at least midterms." 

To say I was a bit miffed at the patronizing tone I felt from his email would be a understatment. I feel very belittled right now, and if I had not already experienced what happens when you challenge a professor I would have half a mind to demmand he look over my portfolio. I just cannot understand how he could just hand it back without even looking at it citing the reason I obviously had not spent adequate time on the project. I fail to see how he would even know if had not even looked at it, but I digress I now running in circles on this topic and will leave it till later.

In more exciting news the fraternity will be hosting social rush this week at the Buffalo Connection. Whats even better is that they haved named me to be part of the Pledge Team. That means I will have alot of work dealing with the pledges and initiation of new members. This was not my first choice of committes but I am still very pleased as I did not really expect to gain acceptance to a committe at all. So yay!

Also this coming weekend will be a fairly large event for me. As some of you know I had shoulder sugery a little over a year ago that I had been putting off for awhile, and probably would not have gotten if my mother had not harped on me to have it for so long. Well it went well and I have had minimal problems, other than some minimal but permanent loss of range of motion. (I can't throw a ball as well as I used to.)

All this builds up to one of the reasons I had to leave Morehead State in the first place. I was a student athlete at Morehead State were I competed as a NCAA Precision Target Marksman in conjunction with ROTC. This supplied me with a scolarship and all was going great till my shoulder started to have some minor pain and swelling during my freshman season. (I had been having problems with it since High School after playing football.) Well I ignored it and continued shooting my matches throughout my freshman year and did fairly well helping lead the team to a top 15 season. 

During my second season however things got worse. The minor pain and swelling turned in to severe pain and swelling and I began to seek treatment for it while I continued shooting. Well after numercous X-Rays, MRI, and other crazy tests the doctors were baffled and subscribed me to meet with a trainer for some treatment for a pulled muscle. That continued and became more extensive as the season progressed and the pain got worse. After putting another good season under my belt I knew it time to address the situation. So after talking with my family and coach the concensus was reached that I was risking my health continuing to compete. So I put in the order to transfer to Auburn. Once here in Auburn I went to a doctor who speacilized in shoulders who diagnosed my problem and I had surgery to fix it. 

Just about 3 months after my surgery was completed I started to get contacts from coaches I had met and competed against wanting to know about why I had left the sport so abruptly. I ignored them mostly till early this past December when I was contacted with a invitation to a match as a individual competitor by a coach. He offered to sponsor me and loan me any equipment I did not have. Under the condition that if I did well I would sit down and talk to him about coming back as a competitor for his school. 

To say the least I was intrugued, and thus I have agreed to attend. So here I am getting ready to compete again. I have no dream of even winning this competition as I am very out of practice and competing in what is a team competition alone. I will not even be posted in the official results of the match, but part of me is making me go and try. Maybe this is just me giving it one last run for old times sake. Even if he offered me a scolarship I don't know if I'd accept. 

Anyway thanks for reading. Later.

Well I have spent most if not all of my waking hours studying this weekend. I've been preparing my portfolio for class on Tuesday. 
If you've kept up with my new journal you already have probably noticed I am on a little bit of a downer. I don't know why but everything I have even considered doing this weekend seems off. I've tried working on the plot mapping all weekend but I just can't focus on it. I've been through several different arcs and all of them keep leading to dead ends. I don't know whats wrong with me lately I just feel disinterested in everything I'm doing. Even football can't hold my attention for long enough for me to really care about the game right now. While all that is helping in school work by making me focus my attention on classes instead of other more interesting events it is making me miserable. 

Anyway I am sure I'll get out of this rut soon enough.

Classes are starting to get into full swing now. My schedule is as busy as last semester, but I'm trying to keep the work from becoming a huge stress point. 

Business Law seems like it may turn out to be my favorite class of the bunch. The material is fairly familiar from my enormous amount of history and political science class. We're starting with contract law which may sound really boring but I'm really excited to learn about. Managerial Accounting appears to have a little bit more of a challenge as I'll have two fairly substantial presentations to put together. I'm crossing my fingers that we are allowed to pick out our groups this time around. If not they can't be any worse than the guys I dealt with last semester. My Political Economy course is a bit of a snooze as after looking over the course material I discovered that I have dealt in depth with all the subject matter. Investment Portfolios looks like its going to be a fairly time consuming class as once again I will be in charge of putting together a mock stock portfolio to manage throughout the semester. 

Nothing compared however to the headache the Math Department has decided to give my class. I'm not really going to go into the details but suffice to say I've had 3 different teachers in as many class days, and each one brought their own set of problems. The current teacher by far must be the worst. She spoke 3 words the entire class period never speaking as she went over examples on the board all of which being completely unledgible. I have dealt with teaching styles like this before in math classes before, and did fine by asking a lot of questions. However I am worried that if today was any example of how our questions will be answered all semester our class may be in trouble. 

This is how she dealt with every question that was asked over the hour we were in class. Example : I raised my hand to ask a relevant question about what she had been doing on the board with the fixed assets and depreciation expenses. She turned around looked me dead in the eye (I was in the front row. I know only geeks sit in the front row. SHHHH. I'm in denial.) pointed her finger at me never uttering a word. I took this as a signal to ask my question. So I asked my question, and was completely baffled by the response I got in turn. She stared at me for a moment and then turned around and moved onto another section in the chapter. This happened not just to me but to all the students who asked questions. The teacher left straight away after ending class giving not a single student a chance to approach her to ask a question. I have never felt in my life so disrespected by a teacher. I may be a undergraduate trying to fumble my way through school, but I feel, as well as many other students I talked to after class on the way home, that we were just completely ignored by the person who was supposed to be teaching us.

The plot mapping has hit a snag as classes have started. I do try to work on it at least a hour a day which may not seem like much but its all I have to spare for now. Well time to get back to work on my portfolio research.
 

So classes start tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous as my time is beginning to run out as a undergrad student.

My schedule shall once again be filled with work group meetings. Crazy deadlines professor never expecting us to actually meet. Another semester of Professor Guffey trying to fail us all. Fraternity fees are baring down on me as well along with costs of books and other such bank account leeching things. 

On the upside however I have made progress on my book. Plot mapping is nearing the halfway point of its first draft. I still have to update the character maps based on the new plot difference but that should not take any substantial amount of time. I'll be looking for someone to use as a sounding wall for the ideas if anyone is interested.

I'm still feeling down. but I am putting up the best front possible for my professors tomorrow. Professors like all people have the tendency to judge people off first impressions. I intend to make a good one.

Dear Everyone,

Well this is it. Made a new journal. You may ask me whats the point of a new journal if no one reads it anyway. The point is I read it and that is all that matters. While I'm still not very eloquent and my grammar severely sub-par. I have decided I just want a fresh start. Most of my posts on journal will be made with exerts from what I'm writing currently. 

I've also sadly closed down both my Sports Blog and Fanfiction profiles. The stories that are left unfinished have been deleted from both the internet and my computer so I may not be tempted to return to them again. I've decided that it is finally time to sit down and hash out the book I've been daydreaming up in my free time. I'm still working up the plot map and characters may change a little from how I meant them when I began, but that is how writing goes. Characters are supposed to evolve as time progresses.

I feel I've reached a low point in my life right now. I don't know quite how I got here, but I have found myself here all the same. I've come to dislike myself physically and mentally to a certain degree. I feel like I am starting to become, "that guy" again. "That guy", is the person you scarcely remember when you look back, and think, "he was a nice guy, but I never really knew him that well." 

I cannot stand to be that guy. Some people may think hey being that guy doesn't sound that bad or that I am over dramatizing this. You may be right but in my very delusional brain I guess I would almost rather be completely forgotten than be that guy. I cannot look back on my life and stand to realize I am just the side note. I was never the key or even secondary ingredient in any ones life. I'm just 
... that guy that gets brought up in conversations sometimes.
... the guy people look back on and say I wonder what happened to him.

Even those I feel closest to I think may not realize it but to them I'm just going to be that guy. The nice guy who helped. The guy who gave me a ride when I was to drunk to stand. The guy who let me cry on his shoulder when my boyfriend left me. The guy who got my back in a fight one time. That guy...
Maybe that is what we all are when all comes down to it. That guy/girl... who did something.

Robert Shropshire
... or maybe just that guy.